I recently came across this quote over facebook that really hit me & made me think. “In the wake of a violent or traumatic experience, we’re left to struggle with some of life’s toughest questions: Will this thing that happened always define me, or will I redefine myself with the choices I make?” -Elizabeth Smart


As many of you know a couple years ago I shared my personal story of sexual assault. I didn’t share for pity or attention, but for awareness & hope for others who may be struggling with something similar and to let them know they aren’t alone and that there are programs & people who can help them heal. April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month and when I ran across that quote by Elizabeth Smart I started thinking of my own personal experience and everything I’ve learned, gained and experienced since then.


About 3 1/2 years ago in Hawaii I was brutally raped and left alone in the sand. Months later after sharing my story I had many people come to me sharing their stories of sexual assault and seeking help & it’s truly heartbreaking to know that sexual assault happens so often and so many people say nothing because of fear. Fear because of who our attacker was, fear of what others would think or do, fear simply because the situation was so overwhelming that maybe, like me, you didn’t even know what to do or think because it felt so unrealistic, but I am here to tell you whether it was a complete stranger, friend, family member, or public authority you should never feel like you can’t share because of who did it and what happened. You should never let fear of religion or embarrassment play into keeping what happened to you a secret. Don’t believe the lies that you have nobody who would care and listen or that it was your fault, because I’m here to tell you someone does care & there are outreach programs & communities of survivors that care about you and WANT to help you heal and grow. YOU should talk to your family or friends so that you’re able to get the help you need and realize that you are SO MUCH MORE than what happened to you and you are worthy and strong enough to tell someone and get the help you need rather than let fear manipulate & make you feel worthless to the point of it consuming your life and negatively affecting you. I didn’t tell anyone about being sexually abused for months afterwards and I caused myself so much more pain and problems physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally. Don’t wait to seek help, help is there for you waiting to be utilized, you just have to tell someone! That step alone is already huge and SO worth it! So don’t be silent, speak out and begin your healing process. (If you don’t know where to begin just message me and I can help you!)


The thing that I loved the most about what Smart said was that we can let what happened to us define us or we can redefine ourselves by the choices we make. Isn’t that so amazing and SO true? Anything that has happened to us in life whether it be the mistakes we’ve made ourselves or things that have happened to us we still have the CHOICE, the choice to let our past define us or not. Too many times as people we let the negativity of our experiences get the best of us and we wallow in self pity or we lash out against the person/thing who did us harm and hold grudges that come with constant pain and we end up in this cycle of pity and misery. But at that point in your life it’s not your attacker or others who made you miserable it’s YOURSELF! You are the only person responsible for your happiness, no matter what you’ve done or what others have done to you, nobody can make you happy but yourself because happiness is a choice. Like Thomas S. Monson once said, “You don’t find the happy life, you make it”.


This past summer I had the opportunity to attend a very heavy and deep week long program that focused on traumatic events & healing. I cried every day during almost every session and opened up about things that triggered or haunted me, but I learned coping mechanisms and most importantly I learned how to let it go and not let what happened to me affect my thoughts, dreams and every day task. My biggest outlook that therapist helped me realize was that I always mentioned how “my virginity was stolen from me.” I was embarrassed and ashamed and so mad that someone else made me feel worthless in my own body and “took” something away from me that I was one day saving for my husband. I never realized that I didn’t “lose my virginity”, giving that away would be me giving consent to the actions of my abuser and I didn’t. I realized that I was letting what someone else did to me define myself and worth. I was mad that someone stole something from me that I had all along. I will never let what he did define me & it’s important as survivors neither do any of us. I know it’s so much easier said than done, but it’s important you know that nothing about what happened to you makes you less of a person or “unworthy”. That’s something I struggled the most with, believing I’m enough for anything in life, because my personal experience made me feel otherwise, but coming to terms with that truth really helped me heal. I didn’t consent to anything, therefore he did not take anything away from me.
As I’ve worked through this and other personal issues my defining moment was realizing I had the power of letting all of it go. Letting him and his actions go, no matter how much pain they had caused me. One of the biggest tools that has helped me heal is forgiveness. Forgiving myself and eventually forgiving my attacker and knowing 100% that he no longer has that hold on me. I didn’t forgive him because of religious reasons or for him to be happy, but I forgave him for myself. I Forgave him so he no longer has any room in my heart for pain or sadness. So I’m not angry or bitter. I forgave him so I could realize he didn’t take anything from me because I didn’t give him anything and knowing that gives me peace. He is not in control of my happiness, what he did does not define me.


Every day we have the choice to make the best out of our circumstances. I’m here to let you know that no matter what happened to you, you can make the choices today to redefine yourself, no matter how hard it may seem. I want to let other survivors of sexual assault know you are not alone & that what happened to you was NOT your fault! You are still whole, beautiful and so much stronger than what happened to you. God loves you & knows your heart, He knows your pain and knows of your divinity. If you let Him, along with professional help & the love from your family and friends, healing is there and SO possible. One day those negative feelings of despair will be feelings of love and gratitude knowing that at such a dark time you were able to seek hope, happiness and peace when it felt impossible and YOU did that for yourself! Don’t blame others for your choices or happiness and don’t let what others have done or maybe what you’ve done yourself ever define you. The Atonement of Jesus Christ is real and so powerful in more ways than one. It’s open to everyone, you just have to put in the work to heal in whatever circumstance you’re in. You CAN forgive yourself and what others have done no matter how traumatic or bad it is. You CAN live a happy life. You CAN overcome hard things & you ARE important no matter how painful the situations we may be going through at the moment make us feel. Choose to be happy & spread that love to others. Don’t let the “Me Too” trend start and stop at posting that as your status, if we want to change the world we must be the change. If you want to change your circumstances you have to be willing to put in the work and time TO CHANGE. Seek help for change. Put in work for change. Don’t just say “Me too” and think that now society is different and you won’t be hurt again or your past experiences will be gone. You have to educate yourself and others on how they can make that change. Use the tools that are there for you to utilize to help you heal and grow. You can ask me or even look on the internet for support groups or free counseling if you can’t afford it yourself. Knowledge is power, educate yourself and others. By doing those small and simple things you’re already making a positive difference in your own life as well as others.


It’s important to realize you do not have control of others actions. If you focus on revenge or what other people may or may not deserve or how others should’ve handled a situation you will only make yourself more miserable. You can’t make choices or decisions for others. You can only choose for yourself. Stop worrying about where others are in life or what they’ve done that wronged you. Focus on yourself and God. Focus on the choices you have that you get to make. Focus on what YOU can control. You can control your happiness and your thoughts. You control your outlook on your journey in life and what you decide to do next is where our redefining begins. You are worth it & you are important no matter what you’ve done or what was done to you. Of course none of us are perfect, but trying to be better in the aspects of our lives that we CAN control will help us heal and grow in ways we never imagined. It is possible to be and live a happy life despite the traumatic events we experience in life. I’m so grateful for all the good and bad I’ve been through for the simple fact of the way it’s shaped me today. The Saviors Grace means so much to me & so does the power of forgiveness than I could ever explain to others. I love the gift of forgiveness, because it’s enabled me to live my true and authentic life by letting go of things I cannot control and choosing to be happy despite my circumstances. I so believe everything happens for a reason and that what matters most is Gods opinion of you. He loves you no matter what you’ve done or what was done to you. Focus on His unconditional love for you, seek help if you need it and learn how forgiveness can help you heal in anything in life. There is hope and light in life you just have to choose to see it.

I often get asked the story behind my pink bracelet. The little kids I nanny who always want to wear it to new friends I meet. I simply smile (my heart aches a little) & gladly I get to explain its meaning. It's hard for people to see because I've constantly been wearing the same one for the past 4 yrs, but although the printing on the bracelet has faded, the memory of the boy has stayed the same in my heart. Gabe has such a special meaning to so many in this world. To the most genuine & sweetest family he is a son and brother, a cousin or grandson & nephew. To others he's a friend, a class mate, a neighborhood boy, someone's student and someone else's leader & to me Gabe has been MY HOPE. To the moment he said good bye to me & I was left alone in the E.R by myself, to the day I watched my father walk out the door w/his suit case from my home. The day my parents got divorced & the long nights of packing up from my beautiful Farmington home to the time I laid crying in the sand scared to death after I was raped. This bracelet has literally been there with me through it all. The boy behind the bracelet is the one who gave me hope to keep going through it all. A couple months ago I really struggled with my testimony. I truly questioned where I stood in the eyes of God because I couldn't see where I stood in my own. I remember talking to a sweet friend who asked me if I truly thought the Church was true, if I really believed in a God. Tears fell from my eyes & I looked down at my wrist, my "Gabe" bracelet was there staring back at me & with a sincere heart I said, yes. Yes, because I cannot deny the power of the Gospel. The Gospel that brings me the comfort & joy in knowing I will see Gabe again. The testimony Gabe brought to me the night he left this earth nearly 4 yrs ago is the same testimony that has carried me through some tough times in this crazy life. Gabe has literally been the light & hope for me when I have felt that I can endure no longer. Knowing he's been there to push me along & remind me of my Savior's love & how there's so much more waiting for me after this life has brought me much peace. Happy Birthday to the boy whose life has changed my own💕

 
"Commitment is not the act of losing your freedom; but exercising it to choose who you want to give your most valuable gifts to;

Your time, your emotions, and your heart.

Sorry, you'll never find the perfect person. But, you will find the right person, once you realize that the two of you don't have to be the same. "

    My defining moment -

           I never quite understood the "mushy" post, the gross PDA, the giving up of ALL your spare time for that "significant" other. Or the part in the movies where the girl goes back to the dumb guy & everyone in the audience is thinking how stupid she is. I've never been one to actually be open to a real relationship or having to depend on someone else. In high school I was constantly liking someone I knew would never like me back just because that way I knew the outcome, I knew what I was getting into. I was sure of the future and I didn't have to worry about what would happen next. Or I dated a guy I didn't really like so it made for an easy good bye. I never truly gave my heart to anything or anybody because I never wanted the pain of disappointment, rejection or longing for someone else. Protecting my heart became first instinct to surviving in life. It sounds silly because yes I was only in high school (I'm so young to think I could be protecting my heart or so young to even try and find love) but something I’ve learned and am continuing to learn is that honestly love does not come with age, it comes with experience and it's welcome to all ages because everyone in life is searching for some form of love whether they realize it or not.
              It began to get worse after high school. Certain experiences in my life made me foreign to what love is, or what I thought was love. I soon built up a strong wall around my heart made with sarcasm, vain appearances and acceptance of things short term. Just when I couldn't imagine life being more complicated for me, of course it did. My world was spinning & my emotions were like a roller coaster constantly going up and down. Some days I thought I was getting better, others I felt like I was right back at where I started. Bad habits started to consume me and thoughts of confusion blurred my view. Many times I wondered if this was the way of life for rape victims. Constantly questioning and being afraid of my future. Not sure what kind of future I deserved? Or people I deserved to have in my life. Unsure of where I stood with my family, friends or faith. Consistency was harder than ever in all aspects of my life and getting past judgment was something I found myself struggling a lot with. Not just with caring what others thought, but mainly the thoughts I had about myself. It's crazy when you go from being so confident about the person you are and then losing it all and wondering how to get back to the person you use to be. I know my family could see the difference the past year had made on me & my heart ached not only for them, but also because I was really unsure of how to become the "Kauri" they knew and loved, but in reality I was really just unsure of how to accept myself and all the new challenges the past year had brought me.

     This quote probably sounds really REALLY cheesy and what I'm about to write might also be super cliché and dumb, but to be honest, it's exactly how I've been feeling the last couple of months and with my whole heart everything I say is true. So just be prepared to want to roll your eyes or laugh at me, but when it happens to you at whatever point in your life then you'll be able to rejoice with me because you know you've finally felt the same way or maybe you already have.

    "She had loved him because he had brought her back to life. She had been like a caterpillar in a cocoon, and he had drawn her out and shown her she was a butterfly" -Ken Follett

        He was the answer to my prayers. Not just but 6 days before I laid awake crying on my bedroom floor pleading with God to forgive, help, strengthen and comfort me. I remember asking Him to give me a reason to want to stay on earth and then no later than 6 days passed I met HIM and my life really did change. I didn't see it at first & to be honest I wasn't looking for anything. When I said a prayer asking God for help I didn't even realize that this boy was the answer to my prayers, but now looking back I can see it all. God truly does work in mysterious ways. Just when we think life is ruined and over, God pulls us off our high horse and shows us His sincere and true love. Just take a deep breath and trust His plan, after all we can't change our situation, but we can always change how we react to it, it's all in the Lords timing. This boy is my defining moment.

     I didn't think much after our first date, to be honest, at the end of it I remember thinking that he was a cute kid, but he seemed to be just like all the other guys I was dating at the time, but I continued talking to him. It couldn't hurt to have more friends right? However, as time went on he started to surprise me. I began to see that he actually wasn't like the other guys. It wasn't just a "booty-call". He opened my door and he paid for everything. When he talked about his family or his mission it was sincere and he actually wanted and cared to know things about me. He actually listened to what I had to say & tried to remember my family's names.
         He put me in my place a lot. Not in a bad way, but he wasn't afraid to challenge me and I found that I liked that the most about him. I felt like guys were always telling me what they think I wanted to hear or what would make me give them what they wanted, but HE was different. He caught onto my sarcasm and threw it back in my face. At first I was kind of shocked, but then it just made me more attracted to him because I found someone I could joke around with, I found someone that I could be my true self around, but most importantly someone who challenged me to be my best self.
              He's humbled me in many different ways. Showed me that my point of views in life aren't all that mattered (I'm very stubborn believe it or not) and that there was more to life than what others thought of me on social media. He makes me feel beautiful with no makeup on and helps me accept my skin color and body for how it is. I've always struggled with loving my physical appearance, but he once told me "that's how Heavenly Father made you & you're great the way you are." I always knew things like that, but he made me actually believe it for myself. He says these small and simple things that are so big and significant to me.
     People say be with someone who brings out your best self & over this short period of time that I have known him, that's constantly all that he has done for me. He's the first guy I've ever cried in front of, where my tears made a print on his shirt because he held me closely when I told him deep and personal things and he didn't leave or get scared, he held me tightly and reassured me that everything would be okay. He tells me how amazing I am and how much I mean to him, he makes me feel important and special. He sings and dances crazy with me in the car and he listens to all my dumb jokes. He asks to go places with me like he actually wants to be where I am and he randomly picks me up to go eat or suggest fun places we should go. He knows I don't like pickles on my sandwiches & that my favorite drink is root beer. He helps me work through my weaknesses; he's more than an ear that listens, but he's a man who acts and helps me solve my problems. He isn't afraid to cuddle me in front of my roommates or embarrassed of me to meet his friends. He holds my hand at church and hugs me out in public. He's the only person I've ever told my "dark" secrets to that I would never want anyone knowing about me; he accepts them and realizes that those things are just a part of what makes me, ME. He is the least judgmental person I have ever met. He's the only person that makes me so mad sometimes I want to wring my hands around his neck, but kiss his face at the same time because honestly I can never stay mad at him for very long. He's goofy and quirky and has things about him that have surprised me and opened my eyes to try and accept new things. He's a busy college athlete, but something that completely amazes me, is that no matter how busy he is, he always tries to find ways to see me or let me know he's thinking of me. He doesn't give me an excuse or lie, he's honest and reliant. Something no man figure has ever been for me in my life before.

     I'm completely taken back by everything one person can be for someone else. I'm constantly amazed at his service and love for his family and friends & how much he really cares about my own as well. He has such a big heart and he never ceases to amaze me with his acts of kindness he does for so many of his peers. In the beginning of being with him, I got nervous and scared, is this too good to be true? Is this real life? Or thoughts of doubt crept in my mind, when is he going to leave? When is he going to find someone he thinks is better?  I held back on giving my whole heart at first and there was a moment where I pushed him away hoping to cause less pain for myself in the future, but once again he pushed my walls away and refused to let go when all I did was push. He marched into my room, took my face in his hands and told me he loved me. He couldn't lose me. I knew right there and then despite how hard I tried to hold my heart back, when I am with him ….I can't.

   I am 100% madly in love with this boy. If you were to ask me a year ago if I could ever be in love so young I would've laughed in your face and told you "heck no! No one can know they're in love that young" but today I can tell you, I stand corrected. I have learned that in order to experience the best in life you have to be willing to be vulnerable. To open your heart and give it all you've got in something and risking that it may be broken or hurt one day. If I want to experience true happiness I need to not only love others but be able to BE loved. To let the walls I built up around my heart fall down and be open to new experiences my heart used to be afraid of. The thing is, this boy isn't perfect. I know I've made him sound like he's perfect, but trust me, just like you and me he has his imperfections as well. We are in no means the "perfect" couple, but guess what? The perfect couple doesn't exist. Like that quote above in the beginning of my essay says "you won't find the perfect person, but you'll find the right person once you realize you don't have to be the same". There are things I struggle with he doesn't. There are things I'm stronger in that he is weaker and there are many things that we both struggle with that are the same. We are far from problem-less people. But the difference is, we are willing to work together to help each other become better and stronger. We have lots of things to work on & I'm learning it's so much easier said then that done. But I know that I love him more than my temptations or weaknesses and that I will strive to help make us stronger in any aspect of life, because I care so much about him. People ask me if I know if I will marry this boy. No, in fact I don't know that. Could I see myself marrying him? Of course. But am I ready right now for anything of that such? I’m not 100% sure. Does that mean I don't love him? No, not at all, in fact I love him more and more every day, but being in love doesn't mean you need to marry someone right away. People rush life and sometimes forget that there is still so much to work on and so much of our lives being waited to explore. I don’t want to rush anything because I’m learning that to be happy in life, you can’t stress the future, just live each day as it comes and enjoy living in the moment. I'm learning that I can't be nervous or worry about what will happen next, but I need to first love God and put Him first and enjoy every day as it comes. To not worry about what will happen tomorrow but enjoy the adventures and memories as they come. The difference between how I "love" now compared to with other guys in the past is that I'm loving without limits and that this time my love is reciprocated and just as sincere back.  I'm learning that true love is not physical. That it's hard work, lots of communication and acceptance of both mine and his quirks. It's being willing to open my heart to him and know that it might get hurt. Accepting that we may not have a for sure set future, but we can enjoy what we have right now in the moment and work on life skills to make us better people. I'm learning that relationships take serious work & you have to learn to be able to balance all aspects of your life. You have to also understand that if you want true and real love, you HAVE to HAVE to put God first. That someone who really loves you back won't make you lower your standards or goals in life to be with them.

     Before meeting this boy, I was just a girl who wanted so badly to be whole again, but was unsure how I ever could be after I was raped. I tried healing in different ways but it seemed that nothing was really working until I started to put God first and was blessed beyond measures with this special boy. This boy loved me unconditionally despite my imperfections. He showed me how good life really can be and how much love and joy God had for me. Of course we've had our struggles here and there, but he's also made me realize that you work together on the hard parts and that way it's 10x better to enjoy the good parts. I'm loving that I have someone who rejoices with me in my accomplishments but also someone who mourns and can comfort me when I fail in things as well. I'm learning that my own needs don't matter as much & that I love finding any way I can help him. I seriously feel like a better person by knowing him and you can ask my family, I am the happiest I have ever been. He has helped me find the "Kauri" I was looking for by just showing me how to accept myself. What greater kind of love is there than that? Someone who doesn't take away from me, but helps me improve in both my spiritual, mental and emotional health.
      
        I'm a lot to handle. I'm loud, outspoken, and always wanting to be the center of attention. (Sometimes this is not on purpose, it's just a part of my personality) But guess what?!?! He STILL likes me. One of my all-time favorite quotes from Thomas S. Monson is "Of this be sure. You do not find the happy life, you make it". This amazing and sweet boy has become my favorite time consumer. Someone I want to be around constantly! He's my favorite case of laughter and the only thing I ever want keeping me warm when I'm cold. He's my go-to when I have a bad day and the best thought I have when I'm sad or need to get through a long school or work day. Someone I want helping me make decisions and someone I find myself willing to give up anything for just to support and make sure he knows how important and loved he is. He's my favorite face to post on social media and my favorite thing to dream about. We can have huge plans and have a great weekend, or spend all day eating cereal and watching Netflix. As long as I spend it with him, I am truly happy. He's the only person I'll be willing to share my family with and so far he's the only guy my family actually has liked as well ;) So now I do understand the girl in the movies who goes back and loves the dumb boy when no one in the audience understands. Or the couples who kiss and hold hands in public and the people that give up their jobs and sacrifice their money and time for someone else, I finally understand what it's all about; true love.

So what has been my defining moment in my life thus far?

A defining moment in the Webster dictionary is stated as; a point at which the essential nature or character of a person, group, etc., is revealed or identified.


    My defining moment was not any of my hard trials I've been through or a huge sad story about how I experienced how unfair life was. In fact it's kind of the complete opposite. It was an experience of hope and light and being able to see the light of Christ in someone else. Someone who appreciates my goals and dreams and accepts I'm crazy about fashion, but that there's far more to me than just looks and a social status. Sincerely, I would have to say, my defining moment in my life thus far was when I got lost in meeting HIM. The kind of lost that's exactly like being found. As cheesy as it sounds, he really did "pull" me out of my cocoon and show me my real worth. I am a "butterfly" and I always have been. He sees real beauty within me and makes me the happiest girl on this planet. I'm so lucky to have had the opportunity to cross paths with such an amazing guy. No matter where our futures take us, he will always be the boy who changed my life for the better and showed me how to love.

People rise and fall based on how hard they work. Sacrifice comes along with the price of success or failure and it’s something we all experience in one way or another. The sacrifices one makes continuously after falling shows a great deal about their character and this truth of the matter comes down to who the person truly is and what values are important to them. As I have been thinking about my own life and where this significant and unique word stands to me I have come up with a couple definitions through research online and books I have been reading. After learning about other people’s view of the word, I reflected on my own life and came up with my own definition of true and complete sincere sacrifice; the act of giving up something good for something better is my mother, Laura Tye.

Although indeed it’s Mother’s Day and you’re all probably thinking “how sweet, she writes something nice and beautiful about her mother”, NO, this isn’t supposed to be nice and sweet, this is honest and it’s real and it’s something I’m not even sure my Mother would want anyone knowing, but it’s something I feel strongly about and I think she deserves to be recognized and known for who she truly is and the complete and amazing sacrifices she has made in her life.

It’s funny how sometimes I find myself mocking young girls getting married right after high school or after dating for such a short period of time, thinking to myself “goodness what a huge mistake”, but in reality I can’t, nor should anyone judge anybody’s view on love or determine when somebody is ready or not, because although it may seem young, great things come to pass with following your heart, especially if it’s In line with Gods as well. My mother was married straight out of high school, as an 18 year old she experienced so much at such a young age. From what I’ve observed and learned my mom has turned out to be an AMAZING woman, despite her upbringing and circumstances she has experienced. I admire her so much for that, I can’t even begin to tell you. By the time she was 21 my Mom was raising 3 small kids and her husband at the time, although I’ve heard he was an amazing father (at the time) holding a job was hard for him and she raised her kids on little to nothing. Despite losing cars and homes, my Mom never let us kids know there were hard times, she made the best of any situation and was always finding ways to provide for her kids. She made the clothes we wore, it was rare to have store bought clothes with her first couple of children. She walked to the store with young kids and her brand new baby just to be able to buy groceries, because they had no car and she had no one to babysit her children. She held a day care at her home while raising her own kids to be able to bring in extra income never failing to make sure her children’s needs were met, all along providing a stable foundation in our hearts that all things are possible through Christ. The endless stories I hear from my older siblings about their life growing up weren’t anything but happy and good times, my Mom provided those memories for them and I too have experienced the same.

My Childhood-

As many people know and if you don’t I’m sure you wonder why I look different from my mother, growing up I have always been asked silly questions or have gotten rude remarks based on my ethnicity compared to my mother’s. I mean it’s only natural for people who don’t understand to ask the funny/rude questions about adoption, my family is an expert at answering the questions back with great responses-humor. One time a girl on my little league soccer team asked my Mom why I was brown and she was white, I remember my Mom simply replaying with a serious tone, “when Kauri was a baby we dropped her in the oven and she got a little burnt” – I will never forget the facial expression on that little girls face, she looked terrified and I couldn’t help but burst out laughing! The answer to that simple question, I was adopted.

It’s funny how when people meet my mother they comment about what a great person she was for “saving” us brown kids. Just because some children are adopted from a different country, does NOT mean adopting us was out of pity or charity, my Mom has always taught me and made me feel loved just like every other child in my family. Just because I was adopted did not mean she loved me any less or more then my siblings, we were simply given to my Mom a different way. She always told us that we may not have grown in her tummy, but we grew in heart. Something that still sticks with me to this day.

People sometimes comment that she must have adopted because it was easier then childbirth, what an UNDERSTATMENT that is! If anyone knew the process of how my mom adopted my two brothers, little sister and I they would never make that comment to my Mom. God played an important and vital role in making sure we got to our Mother, it was in no way easy at all and you would be surprised at the outstanding spiritual stories my Mom has about getting us, needless to say, my Mom once again worked hard in attaining her children, we weren’t just given to her.

I know despite things I may have said to my friends growing up when I was venting as a teenager or things I sometimes think about my Mom sometimes when I’m angry, I can honestly say I know everything she has ever done was out of best interest for me, not only as her child, but as a person as well. You may wonder why telling you all those things about my Mom raising her kids was important to share, because yes EVERYBODY’s life is hard, raising kids isn’t easy, financial issues are never easy and neither are marriages, but because of the way my Mom chose to deal with the card she was played in life has truly made all the difference in my own life. This is what I have learned.

It doesn’t matter how you grow up, you can always choose the circumstances for how you want your life to end up, by the determination you have to make a better future, with or without help, if you want it badly enough, you won’t make excuses of money, support or education, you’ll find a way to make it possible. My mom did. When I was 5 years old, my father who basically raised my 4 older siblings, left my family. He was an amazing Dad (so my Mom had said) but after some time something went wrong and he left our family for our nanny and he literally disappeared from our lives. I have never heard from him, nor do I know much about him, only that someone left us for something he felt was better.  My parents got in a divorce and we moved to Salt Lake from St. George. My Mom took all the complaints, horrible comments from family members and close friends on how horrible divorce was, but nobody knew the pain and back story my Mom went through. Instead she didn’t fight for her reputation or pride, some of my Aunts mocked her for the divorce saying horrible things. My mom held her head high and continued to make the best of the situation. It was hard for me to understand how family and close friends could be so judgmental and hard towards my Mom, because if they really knew her they would’ve taken the time to understand the divorce is not what was wanted, the situation my Mom was put in is what made it happen, she was just doing the best she could for her kids, he chose to walk away and she protected her children.

My mother remarried and my Dad I grew up with came into our lives. I never understood their marriage and it’s not my place to, but it wasn’t easy for my Mom and yet for years I had no idea what she was going through, no one did, my Mom is above amazing, she is fearless. It’s crazy when I think back on her life and wonder why she stayed in certain situations or why she took the verbal abuse from others. It’s a simply answer, for her kids. She sacrificed her own needs and her own happiness in life for us. For me. It’s true what they say, that you can’t judge anybody or a situation if you haven’t personally lived through it yourself, although that’s very true we all still continue to do it, I mean we’re humans, but understanding my Mom is something very few people know how to do. It’s funny because although she is wonder woman, she is also hated for it at the same time, you have to actually know her and her past to be able to judge her, she’s been through literal hell and back and she has risen above it to prove the woman she is. (I’m still not sure she knows that yet)

My Jr year in HS, my father left our family. ( Second times the charm eh?!)  It was very traumatic for me and super hard to comprehend. How could two men leave the same children? Were we not enough to love for someone to stay? As we experienced moving from our home and the process of abandonment all over again, my Mom strengthened us and mourned for us. It never crossed my mind she was hurting too, two men had left her in her life time and hurt her kids. Despite this trial my Mom moved us towards God and help us see that we don’t need to search for a father, we would always have a Heavenly Father who loved us and her. My mom’s love and devotion is something that will always carry me through life.

 She has always been constant. She has never left or given up on life even when it pushes her to the limits. She has sacrificed her pride and self-worth literally for her children wanting them to have everything she never did. Countless times in High School she would give us kids her own personal stash of money so we could just go out and be normal like our friends and get lunch, she sacrificed her sleeping time never going to sleep until all her kids were home for the night. In High School I won’t lie, I HATED IT! But that’s just the kind of mother she is, always looking out for her kids making sure they were safe and she seriously wouldn’t go to bed until we had gotten home! She has gone to ALL of our sporting and school events, never missing any, also as siblings she made us go too, we learned hard work and how to be supportive from her. Our testimonies in the gospel have grown to amazing amounts, because there was never a Monday we missed without having family night or family prayer, nor a morning without family scripture study or a vacation without spending Sunday’s at a random ward to make sure we had the sacrament. My mom is literally a spiritual giant! She sacrifices money for memories, creating the best with all of us kids and teaching us to interact with each other instead of just friends, and as siblings we have grown so much closer for that.

From the moment my mother became a Mom her life was dedicated to us kids. The amazing people we have become, though we sometimes forget it, is all because of our mother. With 9 beautiful kids and others waiting up in heaven, my Mom has been the #1 most constant thing in our lives, more importantly, mine. My Mom is more than amazing, she is unbelievably outstanding. When my father left when I was in High School, she took the crazy outburst from us kids left at home and stayed with us no matter how hard we pushed away. Because both fathers left, they didn’t understand the literal hell my Mom went through as her kids hurt in different ways and she was stuck to take care of the mess they left behind. I recall experiencing the pain of abandonment from my father in a horrible way and my Mom took my hardship and loved me despite the horrible things I said and did, something I will never be able to repay her back for.

To say the least, my mother has raised 9 beautiful kids in the Gospel of Jesus Christ and has managed to provide both parent roles for all of us. Sometimes I think she loves us too much that it’s a little much to handle, but I would take her constant love over no love anytime! My favorite memories of her tucking us in as kid and singing the “Christopher Robin” song are so special to me or when I would have growing pains and she would sneak in my room and rub my legs until I went quit crying and went back to sleep are memories of pure love and sacrifice from my mother and I will never forget them. My Mom is amazing, beyond amazing she is the literal rock for who I am and I physically wouldn’t even be where I am today without her. Mom you deserve it all, you deserve so much for the service you have provided for us as kids in this life. I am literally the person I am today because of you and I wouldn’t trade any hardships I learned along the way. You have loved us unconditionally and supported us through everything we’ve done. In the words of Kevin Durrant, you are the real MVP mamma. We don’t need a papa, when we have the best mamma around town. Love you beyond any words could explain! Happy Mothers Day to the greatest woman around <3