Being vulnerable is such a hard thing to do. I get scared before I share personal things about my life with people on social media. Sometimes it seems like people are more curious about your life then they actually care & then sharing your message was worthless. Its meant to change or help another's life, not let it be something others can make fun of or gossip about. Nonetheless, here I am writing towards audiences that may take these experiences of mine & judge me critically or use them and laugh, but if there's someone out there that actually likes them or sees it helps or give them peace when they are lost or confused, then these are for you.
2016 was definitely a year of complete struggle for me. Of course there were lots & lots of good memories, but it was definitely a year of fighting for who I was as a person and fighting for what made certain things ME. I hate being weak & I hate when my past comes back to make me insecure and I hate when I let it back in & lose sight of who I am physically and mentally, but also emotionally and spiritually.
After sharing a very personal experience in 2015 on my blog, I felt very strong! Spiritually strong to conquer any trial and I was at my best physique too! I was super fit, exercising and eating health daily and going to school! I fell in love with a boy who is now my best friend & I felt like I was able to conquer & be anything! As 2016 rolled around one of the most heart wrenching experiences of my life happened. I had never felt a betrayal like this in my whole life and it's embarrassing to say but I completely let myself go. It's so hard for me to finish through with things I've started once I hit a wall. My mindset weakens & I begin to doubt myself & want something easier because the wall is too hard to climb or is really new to me. After everything I learned in 2015, I just kinda left it there and gave up the following year when times got hard. Even though I learned SO many great things, once I felt betrayed by love again I quit building on everything good I started the year before. I was once again SO inconsistent with everything! Instead of losing weight like I did my freshman year in college I was gaining it like CRAZY! When I look back at pictures of myself, I'm embarrassed I ever let myself get to that point. The point of being so insecure I hid myself from those I loved and from who I was as a person & I definitely lost sight of my end goal. I made lots of excuses for myself & blamed my trials for making me unsuccessful. Not only were my nightmares from my rape constantly haunting me nigtly, but I let my past haunt me with my relationship & it felt like the reason I wasn't good enough in my relationship with Quinn was because I was raped! What a total
lie I told myself, that I let Satan let ME believe! Last year I struggled & after being so low & eating my problems away, I decided I hated how I felt and I wanted to change. So here I am today, here I am starting over every day and learning to get back up even when it's hard. Even though I already had the answers before, I found a new passion to help me grow and become more successful. I've found things I am growing in as a person, but things I'm also super passionate about that I love that can always help change others lives as well as my own!
2016 was definitely a year of complete struggle for me. Of course there were lots & lots of good memories, but it was definitely a year of fighting for who I was as a person and fighting for what made certain things ME. I hate being weak & I hate when my past comes back to make me insecure and I hate when I let it back in & lose sight of who I am physically and mentally, but also emotionally and spiritually.
After sharing a very personal experience in 2015 on my blog, I felt very strong! Spiritually strong to conquer any trial and I was at my best physique too! I was super fit, exercising and eating health daily and going to school! I fell in love with a boy who is now my best friend & I felt like I was able to conquer & be anything! As 2016 rolled around one of the most heart wrenching experiences of my life happened. I had never felt a betrayal like this in my whole life and it's embarrassing to say but I completely let myself go. It's so hard for me to finish through with things I've started once I hit a wall. My mindset weakens & I begin to doubt myself & want something easier because the wall is too hard to climb or is really new to me. After everything I learned in 2015, I just kinda left it there and gave up the following year when times got hard. Even though I learned SO many great things, once I felt betrayed by love again I quit building on everything good I started the year before. I was once again SO inconsistent with everything! Instead of losing weight like I did my freshman year in college I was gaining it like CRAZY! When I look back at pictures of myself, I'm embarrassed I ever let myself get to that point. The point of being so insecure I hid myself from those I loved and from who I was as a person & I definitely lost sight of my end goal. I made lots of excuses for myself & blamed my trials for making me unsuccessful. Not only were my nightmares from my rape constantly haunting me nigtly, but I let my past haunt me with my relationship & it felt like the reason I wasn't good enough in my relationship with Quinn was because I was raped! What a total
lie I told myself, that I let Satan let ME believe! Last year I struggled & after being so low & eating my problems away, I decided I hated how I felt and I wanted to change. So here I am today, here I am starting over every day and learning to get back up even when it's hard. Even though I already had the answers before, I found a new passion to help me grow and become more successful. I've found things I am growing in as a person, but things I'm also super passionate about that I love that can always help change others lives as well as my own!
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